Thankful Thursday.......

...
1. Flip Flops. I don't have the prettiest feet but they love the open air! (ok, I don't thing anyone has the prettiest feet. Thanks DAD!)
2. Self Control over tears.
3. hair binders for those out of control hair days (most days)
4. All of the friends that I have become closer with lately, mostly because of blogging
5. CRAIGSLIST....I don't be thankful without being thankful for this!!!
6. A husband who is willing to take the reins when I just don't know what to do.
7. Contacts. I've said it before and I say it again, whoever thought of putting little pieces of plastic in your eyes so you could see better is my hero!
8. Trials
9. air conditioning
10. Faith, Family, Friends, Freedom (okay thats more than one but still.....)

Why is this so hard???

So weight isn't exactly something that is new to my brian but it is something that I keep thinking about lately. I think I have spent as long as I can remember concerned about my weight and body size. I've never been someone who wanted to be a size 4 but I just want to be healthy with curves. I think I was probably as close to ideal as possible back my senior year of high school, although I thought I was a whale. I'm so mad at myself for that.

It only got worse when I went away to school and had complete control over my shopping and life. I went a little crazy. So it makes complete sense to me that the the amount of calories going in needs to be less than the amount going out in order to lose weight. In that sense, its easy. Heres what I've learned. I lost 70 pounds while Ty was in Iraq and the 6 months after and it was definantly hard. sense then I have gained some of that back but definantly not all of it and now I am so over whelmed with kick starting my health again.

I know that I am completely capable of losing weight, its my brain!!! I am somewhat of an obsesive person. When I am focused and watching what I eat, all I can do is think about food!!! I don't understand! This is where my will power fails me. There is nothing wrong with me, I am completely able to lose weight, I keep screwing myself up!!!! I'm so mad about it! I have always had a bad relationship with food. I would hide it, or gourge on it, and even eat something that I don't nessescarily like just because I could. I remember eatting sugar cubes and even, this is embaressing, equal packets as a kid because no one was looking.

I have lost some weight in the past and I never told anyone I was doing it until they noticed it for themselves. For some reason, that has always been really hard for me. I know I'm fat (I'm not being mean, I'm just really comfortable with using that word. It is what it is) and I know other people can see that so why am I so scared to admit that I am actively working on it? I guess I never wanted anyone looking at me thinking "she shouldn't be eatting that on her diet" or "she looks like she gained weight" or just judging me. I am struggling with that A LOT just writting this. So I am embarking on changing my health again and I decided I need to share it so that maybe I will hold myself more accountable if people know.

I don't post this because I am looking for advice or fishing for compliments/symphthys or anything, its becasue I need too. So here is the plan:
1.I will be doing the couch to 5k program x3 which means that I will follwing the program but do each week 3 times sense I am not nearly in shape. I have always wanted to loving running so I am going to go for it and take it slowly.
2. I don't know why this one is so hard for me but for some reason I feel inclined to gaurd this with my life. So here goes, I signed up for weight watchers online.

So knowing this, please don't look at me differently or judge me. I know this doesn't show much faith in my fellow man, but I'm working on it.

A topic serious enough to force me to finally blog

Audrey has been politely suggesting that I post something for a while now and I finally decided to do it. I listen to a lot of talk radio and I always hear plenty of pressing issues, but one has finally pushed me too far.
On the Dairy Queen commercial where the girl scouts go to the Dairy Queen's house, why does the Dairy QUEEN have a male voice? Shouldn't the Dairy Queen have a female voice. What is up with that? The only thing I can think of is that the word "queen" is being used in the more modern sense. As in "drag queen".

Ode to Craiglist...

Oh how I love thee. You have brought me so many wonderful things. Let me list them here:

wii
wii fit
dance dance revolution
mario cart
stove
dishwasher
microwave
cell phone


I think that is everything.....
oh wait, I forgot our new CAR!!!!

Hmmm....My once a week recipe has become once a month...

I'm in love with this!

CROCK POT BROWN SUGAR CHILI
1 lb. extra-lean ground beef
½ c. brown sugar
4 T. prepared mustard
1 medium sized onion, chopped
2 cans (14 oz. each) kidney or red beans
2 c. low-sodium tomato juice
½ t. salt
¼ t. pepper
1 T. chili powder
Brown ground beef and onion in a nonstick skillet over medium heat. Stir in brown sugar and mustard. Combine all ingredients in slow cooker. Cover. Cook on HIGH 2-3 hours. If possible, stir several times during cooking.
If I don't have time to put it in the crock pot or I'm going to be gone too long, I will make this on the stove top the same way and simmer for 10 minutes or so.
This is FANTASTIC with cheese sour cream and fritos. Serve the way it is for kids, I add a signifigant amount of hot sauce becaue I like it SPICY!

10 things you may not know about me!

1. I fought to have a dog at my wedding reception. Jerimone was a great guest.
2. I don't use shampoo, only conditioner scrubbed in.
3. I have 5 birth marks.
4. I didn't have steak for the first time until I was in college.
5. One of my childhood family nicknames was "Oddley"
6. I have used Dove deodorant sense I was 17 and will never switch.
7. I have never seen Star Wars and I have no interest.
8. I have never had fake nails. Its not that I don't think they look good, I just can't understand WHY gluing little pieces of of plastic to the ends of your fingers is attractive. If I don't undersand it, I don't do it.
9. I got accepted to Aveda institute but never went.
10. I have a scar on my leg from falling down the side of a volcano in Guatamala.

This week in review....

..So I have gotten behind in my blogging. I have spent all of my time looking for another car, cleaning, cooking, and working on our budget. So here is the noteworth(or not so noteworthy) events of the week:

1.We had a duck on our roof! He stayed there for about 30 minutes. I guess we have a comfortable roof!

2. Our car is gone!!! The grand prix has offically been retired and it was a sad day. This is the car we drove away from a wedding in. Its the car I dropped Ty off to go to Iraq, and picked him up in. It was Ty's first car and his baby. She is gone and she will be missed:(

3. I made a cheesecake! I have found my recipe! Ty said that is better than the cheesecake factory.

And I took this cool picture. Thats all!