This is Dirty Dan....
Dirty Dan lives between the pages of 'Where the Sidewalk Ends' by Shel Silverstine....
The Dirtiest Man In The World
Oh, I'm Dirty Dan, the world's dirtiest man,I never have taken a shower.I can't see my shirt--it's so covered with dirt,And my ears have enough to grow flowers.
But the water is either a little too hot,Or else it's a little too cold.I'm musty and dusty and patchy and scratchyAnd mangy and covered with mold.But the water is always a little too hot,Or else it's a little too cold.
I live in a pen with five hogs and a henAnd three squizzly lizards who creep inMy bed, and they itch as I squirm, and I twitchIn the cruddy old sheets that I sleep in.
In you looked down my throat with a flashlight, you'd noteThat my insides are coated with rust.I creak when I walk and I squeak when I talk,And each time I sneeze I blow dust.
The thought of a towel and soap makes me howl,And when people have something to tell meThey don't come and tell it--they stand back and yell it.I think they're afraid they might smell me.
The bedbugs that leap on me sing me to sleep,And the garbage flies buzz me awake.They're the best friends I've found and I fear they might drownSo I never go too near a lake.
Each evening at nine I sit down to dineWith the termites who live in my chair,And I joke with the bats and have intimate chatsWith the cooties who crawl in my hair.
I'd brighten my life if I just found a wife,But I fear that will never beUntil I can find a girl, gentle and kind,With a beautiful face and a sensitive mind,Who sparkles and twinkles and glistens and shines--And who's almost as dirty as me.
......I think I may have found Dirty Dan's twin brother..........